0
0 Items Selected

No products in the cart.

Select Page

About Sweet Meteor of Death

Sweet Meteor of Death (SMOD), a giant asteroid, announces its candidacy for the 2024 presidential election. SMOD promises complete annihilation and receives growing support from a disillusioned populace.

TEAM SMOD

SMOD 2024: The Candidate We Deserve

In the vast expanse of the cosmos, far beyond the mundane squabbles of human existence, there exists an entity of such catastrophic potential that it makes our political candidates look like squabbling children fighting over the last slice of cake. Enter Sweet Meteor of Death, or SMOD as it’s affectionately known, the Precambrian Politician and harbinger of the Asteroid Apocalypse. In a move that no one saw coming, yet everyone somehow anticipated, SMOD has thrown its celestial hat into the ring for the 2024 presidential election. Ladies and gentlemen, brace yourselves for #SMOD2024.

The Announcement

The announcement came not from the usual podium or press conference but through a celestial broadcast, picked up by every device on Earth. SMOD’s campaign slogan flashed across screens in stark, chilling clarity: “Just End It Already.”

“In a time when humanity is plagued by endless follies,” SMOD began in a voice that seemed to resonate from the very core of the universe, “I offer a final, definitive solution. Unlike my competitors, who promise incremental reductions and half-hearted attempts at fixing the unfixable, I pledge to wipe out the follies of humanity entirely. Complete and utter annihilation. It’s time for a change you can feel, quite literally.”

SMOD’s Platform

The platform of SMOD is simple and brutally honest. “Everyone’s going to die,” it promises, “and it’s about time.” SMOD is not your typical candidate. It doesn’t care about approval ratings, political affiliations, or the opinions of pundits. Its campaign manager, a bemused astrophysicist turned doomsday prophet, summarized SMOD’s agenda succinctly: “We are talking about an extinction-level asteroid here. A force of nature that has been responsible for resetting the evolutionary clock numerous times. It’s the ultimate solution to humanity’s persistent problems.” SMOD’s campaign centers on the incontrovertible fact that smaller asteroids have caused massive destruction in the past. The asteroid that wiped out the non-avian dinosaurs 65 million years ago, for instance, was a mere 11 to 12 kilometers wide. SMOD, on the other hand, is a behemoth that dwarfs any extinction-level event previously recorded. “When I hit,” SMOD boomed, “there will be no survivors, no second chances. Just a clean slate.”

The Science of Doom

Scientists have long warned of the dangers posed by near-Earth objects (NEOs). Even relatively small space rocks can cause immense devastation. A space rock just 0.8 kilometers wide could release energy equivalent to 100 billion tons of TNT, obliterating everything within miles of impact. A house-sized asteroid hitting Earth at 48,000 km/h would pulverize all man-made structures within a half-mile radius. Imagine the spectacle of a 20-story building-sized rock flattening everything within an 8-kilometer radius. Now, amplify that devastation by orders of magnitude, and you get a glimpse of what SMOD promises. Richard Binzel, professor of planetary sciences at MIT, once reassured the public that no giant rocks of annihilative potential were currently on a collision course with Earth. “At least, not yet anyway,” he quipped. SMOD’s candidacy puts that assurance to rest. The next close encounter with an asteroid is predicted for October 26, 2028, when a mile-wide rock will pass within two and a half times the Moon’s distance from Earth. But fear not, NASA assures us it will not impact our planet. SMOD, however, offers no such reassurances. “I won’t miss,” it promises with a chilling finality.

Humanity’s Asteroid Odyssey

Earth’s history is a testament to the relentless bombardment of cosmic debris. From the formation of our planet through the collisions of smaller objects to the Late Heavy Bombardment that may have delayed the emergence of life, humanity’s story is intertwined with that of the cosmos. Every day, Earth accumulates over 100 tons of extraterrestrial matter. Most of it is harmless dust, but the specter of a school bus-sized asteroid hitting every thousand years or a medium-sized one every 50,000 years looms large. Extinction-level events, fortunately, are rarer, occurring every billion years or so. However, new research suggests that Earth might be pummeled more frequently than previously thought. Larger impact craters, now visible through high-resolution imaging, hint at a more tumultuous past. James Garvin, chief scientist at NASA’s Goddard Space Flight Center, warns of “serious crap happening” more often than we’d like to believe. Recent observations at the Cerro Tololo Inter-American Observatory in Chile revealed three near-Earth asteroids lurking in the Sun’s glare. Among them, 2022 AP7, the largest potentially hazardous NEA discovered in eight years, poses a future threat to Earth.

The Case for SMOD

In a world where political promises are as fleeting as shooting stars, SMOD offers a rare certainty. “Humanity has had its time,” it declares. “The endless wars, institutional greed, and societal decay are but symptoms of a species that has outstayed its welcome. I offer a solution that is both final and absolute.” The campaign slogan “Just End It Already” encapsulates the essence of SMOD’s platform. It’s not about incremental change or half-hearted measures; it’s about a complete reset. SMOD doesn’t promise to reduce the population by 90% like the billionaire Malthusians. It promises zero. A clean sweep. The ultimate cosmic audit. Supporters of SMOD’s campaign, a growing cult of doomsayers and nihilists, have taken to social media with fervor. The hashtag #SMOD2024 trends as memes of fiery destruction and humorous takes on humanity’s end circulate widely. “Finally, a candidate who delivers on their promises!” one tweet proclaims. “SMOD: Because let’s face it, we’ve tried everything else,” reads another.

Get Out the Vote: Why SMOD Deserves Your Support

As the 2024 election approaches, the traditional candidates find themselves overshadowed by a celestial juggernaut. Debates on healthcare, the economy, and foreign policy seem trivial in comparison to the promise of total annihilation. SMOD’s presence looms large, a constant reminder of humanity’s fragile existence. Let’s face it: Do you really want to keep choosing between the same two tired old guys who have been recycling the same broken promises for decades? It’s time to shake things up, and SMOD offers a once-in-a-lifetime opportunity to do just that. Instead of settling for the lesser of two evils, why not opt for the ultimate game-changer?

Why SMOD?

  • Honesty: SMOD doesn’t pretend to have all the answers or promise half-baked solutions. It offers a straightforward, no-nonsense approach: total annihilation.
  • Certainty: Unlike human candidates, whose policies are often watered down or blocked by bureaucracy, SMOD’s promises are absolute. There’s no wiggle room, no loopholes, and definitely no filibustering.
  • Simplicity: Tired of complex policy debates that go nowhere? SMOD’s platform is as simple as it gets. One issue, one solution.
  • End the Cycle: The endless cycle of elections, promises, and disappointments has worn us all down. SMOD puts an end to that cycle, offering a clean slate for the planet.
  • Cosmic Justice: Humanity has had its run, and let’s be honest, we haven’t done the best job. SMOD offers a chance to reset the clock and let nature take its course.

How to Support SMOD

  • Vote: Your vote for SMOD is a vote for a definitive end to the human experiment. Make your voice heard.
  • Spread the Word: Use social media to share the message of SMOD. The hashtag #SMOD2024 is your tool to rally others to the cause.
  • Prepare for Impact: Embrace the inevitable. Stock up on your favorite snacks, find a good vantage point, and get ready to witness history.

In the end, voting for SMOD is about more than just politics; it’s about acknowledging the state of the world and making a bold choice for our collective future—or lack thereof. So, come election day, cast your vote for the Sweet Meteor of Death. Because sometimes, the only way to truly fix things is to start over. #SMOD2024: Just End It Already!

FAQ

Q: Is SMOD really a viable candidate?
A: As viable as any other candidate promising change. The difference is SMOD guarantees it.

Q: How can we be sure SMOD will deliver on its promises?
A: SMOD’s track record as a cosmic force speaks for itself. When it comes to asteroids, they don’t miss their mark.

Q: What about the aftermath of SMOD’s impact?
A: SMOD’s platform doesn’t focus on the aftermath; it’s all about the event. What comes after is up to the universe.

Q: How do we vote for an asteroid?
A: The same way you’d vote for any candidate. Write in “Sweet Meteor of Death” or use any official SMOD ballot you come across.

Q: Is there any chance SMOD could miss Earth?
A: SMOD’s campaign promise is clear: it won’t miss. This is one candidate that guarantees to hit its target. So, are you ready to end the endless cycle of disappointment and truly start over? Vote for SMOD in 2024 and let’s just end it already.